bombshell in distress

Have a Fabulous Christmas!

2007-12-05T03:34:08Z

The Body Shop is back in Glorietta! Visit our Christmas Bazaar at the Ground Floor Lobby of G4 and get as much as 50% off on your favorite items! You can also visit us at Greenhills and Festival Mall and our Christmas villages across the different malls :)

Spread more love this Christmas! Join the Love Your Body exclusive membership today and get a special welcome gift, exclusive promotions for members only, an exclusive Love Your Body card and earn points for your purchases and a Rewards program where you get to accumulate vouchers with your purchase. Enjoy a birthday privilege of a one-time 20% discount on regular items as well on your birthday month!

For inquiries, call us at 6388884 or email us at lyb@the-body-shop.com.ph.

Love to Experience

2007-11-03T02:21:20Z

Wanna get rebates, up to 25% discounts and hundreds off some The Body Shop items?

LOVE YOUR BODY is celebrating its in-store launch this November 6-12 and this is your chance to get all that. Get a LOVE YOUR BODY membership for only P300 and receive a free welcome gift, earn points per P100 purchase as well as stamps that can be converted into redeemable vouchers and 20% of on your purchase during your birthday month.

To know more, send me a shoutout or ask any of our Sales Advisors at The Body Shop.

i_flutter_again @ 2007-09-01T19:21:00

2007-09-01T11:21:38Z

picking up?

i_flutter_again @ 2007-06-25T20:26:00

2007-06-25T12:27:20Z

recovering.

i_flutter_again @ 2007-04-23T19:31:00

2007-04-23T11:32:44Z

I shut up.

Loved

2007-04-19T13:43:27Z

Someone once told me that I'm not hard to love.

And I somewhat resented that.

Because IF I wasn't hard to love, then how come I felt so alone, used, and unimportant instead of feeling happy, feeling like I belong.

But now I know that I can be loved. And really loved at that.

I don't want a broken you. When you whine, that's not you. That's not the Stephanie that I know. That's not the Stephanie I fell in love with. I never told you to leave your family. I want you to have both me and Teo - and you do have both of us. I understand that you have to find yourself, and I want to protect you while you're doing that. I love you so much. And even when we fight, even when I hurt you, I hold my anger back because I love you.

It now rests in my hands. I just want to find myself, discover the roots of my insecurities, my worries. After then I know I will be able to be the strong, responsible, thinking person that I normally was, and hopefully am.

I wish time stops while I am in this search. But it moves. And I miss out on a lot of things while I continue my journey. But I will not stop. The faster that I get to better myself, the faster that I can make things right.

I love you mom, I love you Teo, I love you cuddie. And someday soon, I will make everything work out between us all.

i_flutter_again @ 2007-03-16T08:50:00

2007-03-16T15:51:01Z

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa

out of breath

2007-03-12T17:06:58Z

I told myself not to be overcome by this hurt...

but I'm starting to feel it. and it's too damn heavy to bear.

I only did what I know would be best for you. you deserve much much better than I can ever offer you.

I never left for selfish reasons, although your world will tell you that. I left because we all know I am the least capable to be a mother to you - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially. I tried and the hell I did. if your mama says that your dad is making up for what he did not do for you before, I, on the other hand, did not have anything to make up for. probably not until now.

and more importantly, I never left you for someone else. and I will not ask you to side with me, but the time that I spent away from you, I was either working, asleep or making use of my time for worthwhile things, contrary to what people say. and I will not ask you to choose even if I can tell you outright that I got the most hurtful, below the belt comments from those I have been working hard for, those whom I always kept in mind as a driving force and as my inspiration to continue proving myself worthy to be your mother.

I will not ask for your understanding, and I know I have hurt you a lot. but I just want to tell you that you mean a lot to me, that's why I had to remove myself from the picture. ask anyone and they will tell you I have not been the best mother you could have.

love your mama, much more than I ever loved you and her. love your family the way the world knows how. don't be like me. your mama always said I have a very weird way of making you feel that I love you. and questions me why I am doing this to you.

I love you, Teo. if there's anything you must know.

i_flutter_again @ 2007-02-20T08:00:00

2007-02-20T16:14:23Z

to feel is such a good thing.

i am happy :) <3

i_flutter_again @ 2007-01-18T09:13:00

2007-01-18T17:21:29Z

I am a daughter, mother, and soon-to-be wife.

That's all that i know right now, cuddie. That's all that i am right now.

}!{
bcbianca, dear, i will be eternally grateful if you will really be able to help this "charity case" as soon as you come back. *sigh* But well, our talk kinda cheered me up. It's been quite a while since i let out all my itsy-bitsy frustrations and, as you aptly put it, desire for silly frivolities. I don't mind not having much time for myself, or resources for that matter, but yeah, it comes to a point when you'd want something for yourself. Oh, please, please, my dear. I don't mean to, but i will bug you regarding this for now. :P

teo, teo, teo

2006-12-29T19:01:37Z

daddy has his own family. mommy has her own family. where do i belong?

dear teo,

you may be young, but it doesn't mean you don't understand. maybe not fully, but i know you do.

a lot of people were expecting that your dad and i would make the ultimate sacrifice and mend our relationship - for your sake. and yes, i am guilty. i probably didn't try to the very best of my ability. but it doesn't mean that your future is not important to me.

i cannot stress how much i would want to give you the perfect, complete family. but who dictates that anyway? i would rather be in good, amicable terms with your father without us being together, rather than us together but always battling it out with each other.

as for me having my "own" family... i never said you're not my family. sure, i am with someone else now, but i never meant to impose you to like him. remember, though, that i promised myself and you as well that i will never introduce anyone else to you unless i am sure that he is worthy (at the very least) of your time. i know it is taxing on your part - i know that first-hand - but if you must know, we are already thinking of your future and how we will raise you. you are first and foremost my son, and whoever would want to be with me should want to be with you as well. i will not force it on you, but let me tell you that he is willing to be a real father to you. you may not see it yet, but we are working towards us being a family. everybody's dream for you. to be a complete family.

i am not closing your father out. he will forever be your biological father. and i am not taking away any right of his to be a father to you. if he does, that is his own decision, i did not impose that.

*sigh* you just don't know how much it breaks my heart whenever you say things like that. it makes me feel incompetent, unfit to be your mother. but i know you understand. maybe not fully, but you do.

i love you, if there's anything you must know.

i_flutter_again @ 2006-12-17T00:29:00

2006-12-16T16:33:59Z

teo did a Maddox today and called Vergil "Dad".

...

at least 'di na siya nakiki-Cuddie :P

metamorphosis

2006-12-06T07:54:25Z

it will come at least once in a person's lifetime that he will search for who he is, not because he's experiencing burn-out from his job or he's bouncing back from a break-up, but because he desires to dig as deep into his soul and get to know himself.

this year, i have been in such an emotional rollercoaster enough for me to be thrown into the loony bin. a test of moral character, a test of friendship, a test of values, a test of respect, a test of love - name it, went through it.

but i have never imagined that i would be given a new lease in life.

my pains of growing up under sheer peer pressure, my hurt over lost friends, my agony over my lifetime load, my suffering and anger towards authority and having to stifle emotions, my misery to find what completes me - gone.

there will always be remnants of these memories, but i will never see them they way i did. everything was given new meaning, was turned around.

i am deeply sorry for all those i have hurt.

and i am thankful for those who have remained with me until the end.

i love you.

i_flutter_again @ 2006-10-03T10:55:00

2006-10-03T02:58:03Z

}!{ heard this on the radio at a very awkward moment
you wanted more/tonic

love is tragic
love is bold
you will always
do what you are told

love is hard
love is strong
you will never say that you were wrong
i don't know when i got bitter
but love is surely better when it's gone

'cause you wanted more
more than i could give
more than i could handle
in a life that i can't live
you wanted more
more than i could bear
more than i could offer
for a love that isn't there

love is color
love is loud
love is never saying you're too proud
love is trusting
love is honest
love is not a hand to hold you down
i don't know when i got bitter
but love is surely better when it's gone

i got to pick me up when i am down
i got to get my feet back on the ground
i got to pick me up when i am down

you wanted more
more than i could love
more than i could offer
the harder you would shove
you wanted more
more than i could give
more than i could handle
in a life that i can't live

}!love is tragic
love is bold
you will always
do what you are told

love is hard
love is strong
you will never say that you were wrong
i don't know when i got bitter
but love is surely better when it's gone

'cause you wanted more
more than i could give
more than i could handle
in a life that i can't live
you wanted more
more than i could bear
more than i could offer
for a love that isn't there

love is color
love is loud
love is never saying you're too proud
love is trusting
love is honest
love is not a hand to hold you down
i don't know when i got bitter
but love is surely better when it's gone

i got to pick me up when i am down
i got to get my feet back on the ground
i got to pick me up when i am down

you wanted more
more than i could love
more than i could offer
the harder you would shove
you wanted more
more than i could give
more than i could handle
in a life that i can't live

}!{ on the other side of things
i got myself a cuddie :)

oops... i did it again

2006-09-18T04:55:39Z

...

i_flutter_again @ 2006-09-18T01:04:00

2006-09-17T17:18:24Z

comments have become rarer and rarer. i guess because i haven't written anything in detail, anything substantial, anything long, anything relatable, anything interesting, or anything at all, for that matter. so what is up with the short entries anyway?

the past month showed me crossroads i have never encountered in my life. but somehow, these challenges that required much thought and a lot of action weren't the easiest to oh-so-casually talk about (though ironically, my motherhood issues were easier to discuss... is it because it's a given?).

all i can say is that i pulled through. struggling a bit, but nonetheless i got out unscathed.

it's a wonder how i kept sane (i hear snickers... go ahead, i know i'm nowhere near getting a ticket to the loonybin) and somehow still on top of things. my guardian angels - both heavenly and real - did double time in watching over me, that's for sure.

again, there are a lot of things to be thankful for. and a lot of things i look forward to. i am blessed.

}!{
updated Love is Constipation

i_flutter_again @ 2006-09-13T01:19:00

2006-09-12T17:19:41Z

the Mass for nikki's pasiyam spoke volumes.

thank you, Lord.

i_flutter_again @ 2006-09-10T18:01:00

2006-09-10T10:11:39Z

updated:
September 13, 2006
1:07am

salamat -
sa lahat-lahat.

i'm still a bit shook up, but i somehow regained my composure already.

deleted

i will stop at thanking you. :)

i shouldn't have...

2006-08-29T05:05:25Z

the worst is yet to come.

wrote that a few days ago. AND I REGRET BEING PSYCHIC ABOUT THINGS.

now that i already have the bad come threefold, i am ready for the good that this brings me.

God, i really don't know what the big plan is, but i trust that You know best...

loss of appetite

2006-08-16T07:27:07Z

i did or others did?

don't answer that.

or maybe you could.

i_flutter_again @ 2006-07-11T11:37:00

2006-07-11T04:44:11Z

my talk with your mama sparked some thoughts i have tried to supress the past months.

it has been five years since your dad and i celebrated our first month together. and you must understand that i really loved him very much and that it took a lot of courage and strength on my part to show him that. anybody will tell you that i'm the girl whose claws always stick out (for protection or by nature, i don't know). and to be affectionate was definitely far from how i usually am, but i am confident that your father will tell you that i really did love him, even for a time.

i wouldn't praise myself for being insecure, for being envious of the other girls around him. but i make no apologies either. i was not born with the face, physique, charisma and lifestyle that could draw a guy's attention to me. i was plain, roundish and a goody-two-shoes save for my stint as an OPM rock band enthusiast and for the fact that i could dance to save my life. apart from that though, i was never a crowd-drawer and i don't know if your ninang mayette will attest to that, but surely, i did not hold a candle to those other pretty sights around me.

it was not easy to live with your father's high-estrogen environment. even while i was pregnant, at the height of my hormonal rollercoaster, i still went with him to all of those debuts and girls' high school fairs (apart from our own) and still fully trust him and just be mum about my emotions (which, guiltily, i never was successful at doing so).

i thought by us being in the same school that will all change but instead of drawing us together, all the more i felt that (his) social life was coming in between us. we hardly saw each other in school. and if we did, it was a fleeting exchange of "hi's" and "hello's". the (his) rationale behind that was that we see each other at home and that we don't have to be seen together just to show that we are together. you bet i was thankful for that one instance that we had a double date with two of my blockmates and watched Austin Powers (how sweet). there was absolutely nothing romantic about our relationship in the eyes of others, and i was even accused by his friends of being a lunatic spreading "lies" that we had a kid, that i had to go that measure just to pin him down.

the other half of it, meaning, our obligation towards you as parents, was not rock solid either. i still haven't forgiven him for denying you just because he "was not ready." i felt cheated, wronged. i was put in the situation that i had to grow up, much, much faster than i have in my entire life and my partner, i repeat, partner, cannot endure the hardships with me because he "was not ready."

we eventually called it quits, and i thought the distance and the experience of being with others can make him rethink his stand. and yes, there was a moment that he did want us to get back together, but i don't know if the reasons were well-thought out or even considerable in the first place. i do appreciate the honesty when he told me that he just wanted to get back with me because 1) it was convenient since he spent weekends with us; 2) his family wanted that; and 3) because he was a horny guy and he can't do anything about it.

but is it just me who feels chastised if i did commit myself to him again for those reasons? i still think about it and i try to understand if i am the only one who thinks they add insult to injury. he only wants us back because he can't find a girlfriend who's okay with a guy who has fatherly duties, that he feels forced into the situation and that he just needs to be fucked. please enlighten me if i cannot see your father's wisdom in this.

and i know it's a bone of contention now why i opt to find someone else to love. i had been close to a few guys in my nearly four years of singlehood. i reassure you, these are quality guys; if you will ask me by the time you're sixteen what kind of guys i went for, i'm certain you won't feel ashamed by the variety of men-in-the-making that i eyed.

but let me reiterate as well that these were guys i got close to. not guys that i wanted to replace your father. not guys who i got it on with. not guys who loved me back.

with all due respect to your father, i have never confused you by bringing home any other guy. i haven't found that one guy whom i can introduce you to who will give you a more lasting father-son relationship than the somewhat transient interaction that you and your biological dad have.

i know you miss your dad a lot. that once a week is not enough to have quality time with him. but in several year's time, you'll realize that i never took away your father's right to call and treat you as his son. it is his choice now to just have this kind of interaction with you. and do you say that i alienated him? ask yourself. although i feel nothing for your father, i cannot find it in my heart to replace him in yours.

but again, it all boils down to my decision to earn your father's affection. forgive me, if it's selfishness to find somebody else who would like to wake up next to me. to us. but at this moment i need to make sure that i am ready to beg your father to come back. i don't want martyrdom. i don't want to take the stepford wife leap. i don't want others to say 'i praise you for putting your personal life on hold just to do the "right" thing for your family.' i want others to be able to say, 'we're glad that you were able to work it out after all these years.' i want to be sure that i am giving you the best. i'm not saying that you're father's all that bad. but i have to make doubly sure that you are getting what is due you. it may seem like what can make you happy right now is to have a "complete" family. but as your mother, i am torn between giving you what will make you happy now and what will be best for you in the long run.

i love you, Teo, if there's anything that you must know.

i_flutter_again @ 2006-07-07T16:27:00

2006-07-07T08:26:24Z

i have dedicated the past week to whining and dining.

just an awful combination, don't you think?

i_flutter_again @ 2006-06-27T12:25:00

2006-06-27T04:27:55Z

i just have to live with this. for now.

pfft.

}!{

twas nice to see you Strainers. missed you guys :) *hugs*

i_flutter_again @ 2006-06-17T15:44:00

2006-06-17T07:43:53Z

at 2:35 am, i was in the office, talking about the current theme song of my life.

I could slip, I could fall
In that mean and awful hall
With the other jealous bitches
And the bitter grumbling men

I could sneer, I could glare say that
life is so unfair And the one who
made it, made it `Cuz her breasts
were really big

Well I don't wanna get bitter
I don't wanna turn cruel
I don't wanna get old before I have to

I could bitch, I could moan
Say I want to be left alone
But that's not really true,
Because I like my time with you

Till you rant and you rave
Wishing fat folks to their grave
But I feel sorry for them
You say they get what they deserve

Well I don't wanna get bitter
I don't wanna turn cruel
I don't wanna get old before I have to

I don't wanna get jaded
Petrified and weighted
I don't wanna get bitter like you
Like you, with the darts in your eyes
Like you, with disdain for mankind
I was charmed, now I wonder

Well I don't wanna get bitter
I don't wanna turn cruel
I don't wanna get old before I have to
So I'll smile with the rest
I'll wish everyone the best
And know the one who made it,
Made it cuz she was actually pretty good
Well I don't wanna get bitter
I don't wanna turn cruel
I don't wanna get old before I have to

bitter\jill sobule

i_flutter_again @ 2006-06-08T15:39:00

2006-06-08T07:39:35Z

i don't know you - all of you - that well anymore.

now i know i really screwed up.

tears.